Mario High School AU's
by Skrellogs
Summary: This is a collection of stories about what Mario High School would be like if it happened in another dimension. These are chapter-long fics requested by readers like you. (shorts based on my fic Mario High School)
1. The Bowser and the Luigi

(AN: this chapter is about Luigi x Bowser, requested by Rainbow Partridge on AO3. This takes place in a dimension where no one died and Peasley never existed)

Luigi was at his locker in the building of Mario High School. He was getting his books for his class, which was History, and he was looking so sad. He sighed and got his books out, and he got to his class. There were a bunch of hearts and flowers and gay shit everywhere because it was Valentine's day, which was the day couples got together to have sex and give each other presents, which was also sex. So many people were kissing each other's boyfriends and girlfriends and being gay about everything, even Mario and Peach. They were the hottest couple in the whole school, and they were making out together in front of the whole school.

Mario and Peach were kissing really hard, like they were trying to get the last bit of cheese dip from those plastic cups with the crackers my mom doesn't buy anymore. "I love you Mario, Happy Valentine's Day!" said Peach as they made out, and Mario said, "You too," and he grabbed onto her butt like it was a bowling ball. Luigi stood there and watched them as they got closer and closer to having sex right there, but they couldn't do that at school because it was illegal. "I am so lonely," said Luigi. He didn't have anyone to date, and he was sad.

"Luigi, what is wrong? are you upset about being a single loser?" said Mario to Luigi, his longtime brother and family member. "Yes, I am. I just wish I had someone to spend today with that I could have sex with, too. Wario and Syrup are dating, and so are Daisy and Mona and Waluigi and Rosalina and Pauline and Coach Donkey Kong and Toad and Toadette and Goombella and Goombario. I am so lonely and sick of being so single all the time." said Luigi. "Well maybe if you weren't so gay that wouldn't happen," said Peach, and she smooshed her boobies together to look attractive to Mario, and it worked.

"Luigi, you'll find someone some day. Don't worry about it!" said Mario, but that didn't cheer Luigi up at all. He was still jealous and surrounded by the love making of his peers. He wanted to cry, but then people would throw trash at him for being an emotional pussy. He went to his class and sat there, and the teacher came in later after everyone was seated. "Class!" Today is Valentine's Day!" said Mr. Toadsworth, the History teacher, "We will now hand out our Valentine's Day cards because that is what we do on Valentine's Day!"

Everyone started giving each other cards, and Luigi got excited to get one too, but as everyone else got some candy and funny cards, Luigi was left with nothing. Toad and Toadette gave each other candy, and Goombella and Goombario traded cards with their penises and vaginas glues onto them so it was sexy, but they were careful not to let the teacher see because doing something like this in class was worth a life sentence in detention. Everyone was so full of love and happiness, except for Luigi because he didn't get jack shit and felt unlovable.

"Hey look!" said Diddy Kong, who was Coach Donkey Kong's nephew who went to high school, "Luigi didn't get any Valentine's! What a fag loser!" They all pointed at Luigi and laughed, and that made Luigi cry so hard and run away form everyone. He ran away from his desk and out the door and down the hallway until he reached the men's bathroom to cry in his stall. He didn't get any Valentine's that whole day, he was single, and everyone knew he was a loser for being single. "Why doesn't anyone love me?" Luigi asked God as he cried alone in his stall.

As Luigi cried, he heard big fat person foot steps go into the bathroom, and whoever owned those feet slipped a piece of paper under the door. Then the big fat person ran away before they could be seen. "What is this?" Luigi asked no one because he is alone. Don't talk to yourself because you will look like a crazy person and get sent to a correctional facility. He opened up the letter, and it was a Valentine's card! He finally got one. He was so happy to get one, and he opened it up to read it and see who wrote it.

It read like this in Luigi's head: 'Dear Luigi, I really think you are the hottest guy in the whole entire high school. I saw how you were sad so I just wanted to let you know that you don't have to be a single loser anymore because I am someone who wants to have sex with you in the butt. Love, a secret admirerer' Luigi was so shocked. "Someone likes me? If they liked me, why didn't they give me a name! Now I'll never know who sent it and I'll keep being lonely!" Luigi was still sad, but also happy because he didn't feel as much of a faggot for being lonely on Valentine's day.

Luigi was able to leave the bathroom not feeling that sad anymore because of the card, and it was time for his next class. As he went to his locker, he saw Bowser, the big bad school bully, picking on Captain Toad for being a tiny midget of a nerd. "Hey, bitch ass!" said Bowser, "Give me your fucking lunch money! I am the school bully, and it's a rule you have to give it to me!" Captain Toad started crying and peeing his diaper and gave up his lunch money. Then Bowser kicked him into a locker and smashed all of his bones.

Luigi was so disgusted. Bowser was such an asshole, and if anyone deserved to be alone on Valentine's Day, it was him. "Bowser! stop picking on Captain Toad! He needs his lunch money for his vitamin deficiency!" Luigi yelled at him and opened up the locked and helped Captain Toad get out. "You're an asshole and a bully! I may be single, but you really do deserve to be alone on Valentine's Day!" Luigi always got bullied a lot, so he had a zero tolerance policy on assholes and bitches. Luigi stomped away and made the ground shake with his fury, and Bowser looked so sad.

Later on in the day, after the next class period, Luigi was going off to lunch, and he was hoping to see the person who sent him the card in the cafeteria. But instead, he got tripped by someone, and his face fell in his food tray. The person who tripped him was this fat asshole with boobs that could belong to a woman. "Ha ha! Gay Luigi fell down! I'm bullying him because he is single on Valentine's Day!" His table of ass clowns started to laugh at him, and Luigi felt like he would cry again because of the embarassment.

But then, Bowser of all people came by and punched the fat kid in the face and made his eyeballs and teeth pop out of his head. "Don't you ever hurt Luigi again! Or I will kill you and your friends and family and everyone who had ever come into contact with you!" Bowser yelled so loud and breathed fire, and all the other bullies turned into ashes. Luigi looked up as this happened, and he was so confused why Bowser would help him. Bowser helped him stand back up and cleaned off his face, then he started walking away.

"Wait!" Luigi yeled at Bowser, "You are a asshole bully. Why did you help me?" he asked to Bowser. Bowser said, "No reason," But Luigi knew that was some horse shit. He watched as Bowser went to his table, and it was empty because he had no friends. He also didn't have any lunch, which Luigi thought was weird since he stole Captain Toad's lunch money. If he took his money, why did he not buy lunch? Luigi was confused, but he went to sit with Mario and Peach and everyone else so he could eat his lunch without any further interrupting.

After lunch, he stil had classes left, and he went to his locker yet again to get his textbooks and other shit for class. But when he opened his locker, a big bouquet of roses and some chocolate buttholes in a heart box fell out. Luigi was so surprised, and he read the name tag. It was from his Secret Admirerer! "Wow! They got me candy and flowers! Oh, I wish I knew who this was!" Luigi hugged the flowers and candy, and everyone at school saw that he got a Valtine's gifts after all. "Wow, Luigi actually got a Valentine!"

Luigi felt so good about himself about not being a faggot anymore. He went to his next class(Economics) and daydreamed about who it could be. He imaged them being handsome with a giant wiener big enough to go out his nose through his butt. He was so inlove with his Secret Admirerer that he didn't even pay attention, which was unlike him because he was super smart and was usually the best at school, but love makes people act like fucking idiots. He just wished that the Secret Admirerer would show himself.

After class, he met Mario and Peach in the hallway, who stopped making out and touching each other all over each other to talk with Luigi. "Mario, look! I got Vaentine's gifts! I got a card from someone in the bathroom and some flowers and chocolate in my locker! It's from a Secret Admirerer so I don't know who gave them to me," said Luigi. "Wow! Good for you, Luigi! We can help you find out who it was!" said Peach, who was a sucker for romance and couple things. In Mario and Peach's next period, which was the last class of the day for everyone, they interviewed a few suspects that they think could have given the gifts to Luigi.

They went over to Chunky Kong, who was the gayest kid in the whole high school, and he was also really fat so he probably left the loud footsteps that Luigi heard in the bathroom. "Hey Chunky Kong," said Mario to Chunky Kong, "Did you give those gifts to Luigi? We are trying to find out who did it so my brother doesn't have to be a faggot anymore and be single." But Chunky Kong said "No, I don't do twinks like Luigi."

They asked every other gay guy in the school, but none of them admitted to it. "Shit, who could have sent it to Luigi?" said Mario, who was close to giving up. It was now the end of the school day, and they met back with Luigi. "Hey, did you find out who likes me?" asked Luigi to Mario and Peach. "No, we didn't. Sorry." said Mario. "Maybe it was just a mean prank on you, Luigi," said Peach, and Luigi got so upset that he wanted to cry. He ran out of the school with his backpack and ran all the way to the back of the school where the dumpsters were.

Luigi sat down and cried really hard. He was crying because he couldn't find his Secret Admirerer and because it smelled really bad. He took out his card and other gifts and got angry. "What if this really was just some mean prank to make me sad like Peach said! I hate Valentine's Day, I don't need anyone!" he stood up to throw all of it in the dumpster, until he heard some big fat person footsteps from around the corner. "Oh my god, those footsteps! Like the ones in the bathroom!" Luigi quickly behind one of the dumpsters so whoever it was didn't see him.

He hid himself and peeked from behind the big smelly dumpster, and the person who showed up was Bowser, the biggest, meanest school bully in all of high school, but he didn't look mean like he usually did. He looked super sad, like a kid who was told he couldn't have anymore chicken nuggets. He leaned on the wall next to the dumpster and looked depressed, like he wanted to kill himself. "I'm such an idiot. Why did I ever think he would like me? I didn't even have the courage to tell him I liked him in a gay way. He would never be with a bully like me. I never should have taken Captain Toad's lunch money, but I wanted to use it to get the flowers and chocolate buttholes because I don't have any money. I'm only a bully because I am single, and now it will stay like that for me because he hates me forever and always."

Luigi was so shocked to hear this. Was Bowser talking about him? So Bowser was his Secret Admirerer? Luigi got so shocked that he dropped all of his gifts on the ground, and Bowser saw this. "Who's there?!" he yelled out, and he ran over to see who it was. "Luigi?! You're here, and you heard everything I said?!" Bowser backed away and was so shocked, and he hated himself and felt so embarrassed. "I can't believe this!I'm such an idiot! I just want to die!" cried Bowser. He pulled out a gun and pointed it at his own head.

Luigi got so scared. He didn't want Bowser to shoot himself because it would be gross. Luigi ran up to him in slow motion and slapped the gun away from him, and he made a sound like this: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The bullet came out of the gun, but it missed Bowser's head, and it went overt and shot another student instead but no one cared about them. Bowser was so shocked. "Luigi, you saved me? Why?" Bowser asked Luigi. "I'm a huge asshole bully. Why didn't you just let me die? And aren't you disgusted that I was your Secret Admirerer and that I like you in a gay way?" But Luigi said to Bowser, "I couldn't let you die. You may have been a bully in the past, but that doesn't mean you aren't a good person. You saved me at Lunch, and you got me gifts when I felt sad. Yeah, you did take Captain Toad's lunch money, but you had good intentions. Besides, you can always change your ways as a person."

"Also, Bowser," said Luigi, and he got really close to Bowser and his penis. "I...I like you too, in a gay way like you said. I always thought you were really sexy and handsome looking, but I hated how you were a bully, but I know you were just frustrated with the world and how evil people can be. If you promise to stop bullying, I will be boyfriends with you, and we can spend the rest of Valentine's Day together with each other." Bowser was blushing really hard and he looked like a giant tomato that was hired to sing songs on VHS. "Of course! I will never bully again because I have you to make me happy!"

They both started kissing really hard, and Bowser finally got to put his finger into Luigi's butthole. He used his claw to poke through his pants and stick his whole finger in his butthole, and it made Luigi get sexier. He grabbed Bowser's biceps like they were boobs and he rubbed his penis against Bowser's penis. "Replace your finger with your penis, please." Neither of them could wait until they got home. They had to do sex, right here, right now, behind the school where the dumpsters were. Bowser was so excited about this.

He ripped up Luigi's pants with his claws, and he turned Luigi around so he could put his giant turtle dick into Luigi's butt. Luigi also took his own penis and started to swing it around like a baseball bat, and it was hitting his two balls like he wanted home runs. Bowser started having sex with Luigi's butt really hard from the back. "Luigi, this feels better than I ever could have dreamed of," said Bowser to Luigi in regards to the sex they were having. "I agree! I love you Bowser, you and your amazing sex abilities!" screamed Luigi.

Bowser thought that this was the best sex in the world because Luigi couldn't get pregnant and he didn't have to wrap Bowser JR in a condom. "Luigi, this is my first sex and it feels so good. Is this your first sex, too?" Bowser asked him, and Luigi said "Yes! It feels so good. This is better than I ever imagined before previously." Bowser's penis was so long that it couldn't all fit in Luigi's butt, so it had to go further inside to get it all to fit. It went all the way into Luigi's stomach, and it made him look like he was pregnant with Bowser's penis.

Bowser was pounding into Luigi's butt so hard that Luigi's face would slam against the dumpster, and it got knocked over and all the trash came out and went everywhere. When the Janitor finds out, he will be pissed off beyond belief, but they would surely be done with sex before that happened. It was definitely getting there, because Bowser's penis was swelling up super big, and Luigi looked like one of those Pringles cans. "I am about to release my semen inside of you!" screamed Bowser to Luigi, and that's what he said before doing it.

He released all of his semen into Luigi's virgin body, and Luigi ballooned into the fattest person in the whole wide world because Bowser was just full of so much semen, but it all came out when Bowser took his penis out of his butthole so he didn't have to get a gastric bypass surgery and be on TV. Luigi and Bowser laid down on the ground and cuddled each other, and they were all sweaty and breathing really hard like they did some exercise which wasn't far from what happened. "That was so good. I love you, Bowser," said Luigi, "This is the best Valentine's Day I ever had."

"Me too," said Bowser, "I agree with you, Luigi, and I love you, too." They both stayed there like that for a while until they were ready to go. "Okay, let's go spend the rest of Valentine's Day together." Bowser suggested that they go out on a date and see a movie. They got dressed and cleaned up all the semen, and Luigi got all of his gifts and they got into Bowser's cool car, which had spikes and flames on it. They ate the chocolate buttholes together and listened to some cool music, and they drove off to the theatre together. They saw that new movie that came out.

(AN: thanks for reading! if u want me to write a Mario High School AU short, just comment to make a request and i will right it)


	2. Paper Mario High School

(AN: this chapter is for SilverKidia bcos they wanted a paper mario fic, so i thot it'd be fun to write mario high school as a paper mario game lol this takes place right after the end of Mario High School chap 40, but it is not canon to the story of the series)

Mario and Peach were at Peach's room having sex like rabbid animals. "Peach, your peach pussy feels so good and tight!" said Mario as he had sex with her lower body parts. "Thanks," said Peach, "I appreciate that, and I hope you appreciate me when I say that your penis feels good inside me!" They were doing it so hard and loud that Peach's parents, who were babysitting for Pocahontas, could hear it. "What is that noise, Grandma and Grandpa?" little baby Pocahontas asked his grandparents, and the King said, "That is your parents! They are doing the same thing that made you into a baby!"

There was a bookcase full of books, which you read to gain knowledge, on the other side of the room on the wall, and Mario was having sex with Peach so hard that the bookcase started rocking back and forth and made one book fall off the shelf. Then, Mario finished sex by putting his semen inside of Peach for her to use later. They both laid down on the bed with their backs and looked so tired ans sweaty, which is what sex does to you. "Wow, you are becoming an expert at sex by this point, Mario," said Peach to Mario, her boyfriend who is also the person she had a baby with, who is Pocahontas. Sex is what made the baby, but they would not have a baby after this time because they had on a Condom.

"I know! That is because I have lots of sex practise! You can only get good at doing things by practicing a whole lot!" said Mario. It was just like when he was on the football team, and anyone else who does stuff they're good at. You don't start off being a master at everything like Mario is. After that, Peach's butler, Mr. Butler, came in through the door of the bedroom. "Madame, if you and Mr. Mario are finished with sex, you are invited downstairs to enjoy an unforgettable luncheon in the Dining Hall. Please get dressed and join the King and Queen and Pocahontas posthaste." Then he left.

"Okay Mario, let's get dressed so we can eat! I'm so famished after having sex!" said Peach. Sex was such a calorie burner. Peach went into the bathroom while Mario stood around her bedroom with his penis out. He put on some underwear so his penis would not be seen by others, and then he put on his normal clothes on top of that, because you can't just wear underwear and nothing else(it is called "underwear" because you wear it under stuff). After he was dressed and Peach was still taking forever, like a girl would do, he noticed the book he knocked into the floor with his powerful sexquakes.

"Oh, what is this?" he asked to no one but himself. He bent over and picked up the book. It was pretty big, and it looked really fancy. "Hey, maybe this is Peach's diary!" he said, and he got curious as to what it could say. Maybe it would talk about how good Mario was at sex, or how about some sexy girls' locker room secrets? He wanted to know what it could say, so he opened up the book, but it wasn't Peach's diary. It was a picture book, full of all sorts of characters. Mario was in it, and so was Peach, Luigi, Toad, Daisy, Peasley, Bowser, and everyone else. It was paper versions of everybody.

"What is this? Why am I in this book I've never seen before?" He didn't know someone wrote a book about him, and he never even got paid for it, so what gives? But then, the book started to shake and glow, and a bunch of gay sparkled came out of the pages and went all around Mario. He was lifted off the floor, and he could feel himself get sucked into the book. "OH FUCK!" Mario screamed as he swooshed into the book, and the book fell back on the floor and closed. Mario swirled all around as he was transported into another dimension, and he felt his body change, but not like in puberty. His body became flat, and his blood and organs and bones and semen didn't exist anymore because he was now made of paper!

Then, he exited the big black hole in the sky, and he thought he would fall to his death but he just floated down because he's made of paper now. He landed on some soft grass and looked around him. This world was so similar to his world, but it was different because it was made out of paper and cardboard. "Whoa, what just happened? Did that book take me to a new world?" Mario asked himself. Just then, he saw his brother, and he was also made out of paper. "Hi Mario! You look freaked out. Are you okay?" he asked his not-brother Mario.

"Luigi! The book got you too? How long have you been trapped here?" Mario asked, but Luigi looked confused. "Trapper here? What the fuck are you talking about? We've always been here, and we've always been made of paper. Did your brain get caught in an updraft! HA!" Luigi started laughing, but Mario was too scared to find anything funny. "Luigi, I am not from this world. My real world is 3-Dimensional, and I have blood and guts and bones and semen where I live, but then I opened a book and was taken here so I turned into a Paper Mario!"

"What?" said Luigi, "That sounds so silly. I'm not that gullible, you should be ashamed for trying to lie to your little brother!" Then Peasley came up to them too, and he was also made of paper. "Hey guys, what is up?" asked Peasley, and Luigi said, "Mario is making up stories about how he used to live in a 3D world where he wasn't made of paper and had semen. He's pranking me again!" And Peasley laughed. "Mario, you trickster! All of us have been paper ever since we were born!" Mario was getting angry. "Both of you shut up! I am not lying, and I'm gonna find a way back to my world!"

Mario stomped off, and he went towards the mall. He saw lots of people there, and they were people he recognized, but they were not the same because they were paper. Mario couldn't believe this was happening to him. He had just finished having some really cool sex, and then he gets put into a shitty paper dimension where everyone is an asshole. At the food court, he saw Daisy and Captain Syrup sharing a milkshake.

Mario went over to them. "Daisy! Syrup! You need to help me!" Mario looked so panicked, so they were concerned for him. "What is wrong, Mario? We are on a date right now," said Daisy, "but we will do out best to help you anyways because we are friends of you!" And Syrup agreed.

Mario said to them, "Guys, I am not of this world! I was having sex with my girlfriend, Peach, and then I opened up a book that turned me into paper and sent me to this world, which is also made of paper! My real world of which I am from is 3D, instead of flat!"

"Mario, thats stupid. Why do you always have to interrupt our date times with dumb shit?" said Syrup, who was pissed. "Yeah, everyone knows 3D is not real!" said Daisy. They threw the milkshake at him and he got all sticky and soggy because he was Paper Mario now. Mario was so depressed because none of his friends would help him with his predicament.

He was so sad because he just missed his home. He just wanted to have sex and eat lunch but now he was in this paper fuckwad of shithole. He missed his real friends, and he missed his real brother, and he missed his baby Pocahontas. But most of all, he missed Peach, his girlfriend.

Then, Mario remembered an important plot point: if this world had paper versions of all his friends, then there must be a paper version of Peach! Maybe she would listen to him and could even help him get back home! He ran as fast as his skinny ass paper legs would take him all the way to Peach's castle. He got there, and Peach was there, and she was still really hot even though she was made of paper and didn't have boobs to touch.

"Hi Mario! I was just standing here doing nothing! You look so scared. What is wrong?" she asked, and Mario was so relieved. "Peach, I might look like your actual paper boyfriend, Paper Mario, but I am not. I came from a 3D world, and I just finished having sex with you in it, but then I opened up one of your books and it sent me here! Please believe me because no one else will and I don't know how to get back home!" Mario started crying because he didnt want her to not believe him like everyone else did.

"Oh no! Wait, did you say you were sent here through a book? Because I have a book here that speaks of a 3D world! I have had it for a long time because it has been passed down from my family!" Peach ran over to her bookshelf and pulled out the book from the bookshelf and opened it up, but the pages were all missing! "Oh no, the pages are all missing! Now you cannot go back to your world! You will have to find all of the pages if you want to go back to your world!" Said Peach, and Mario sighed and said "God dammit..."

"How am I supposed to find all of those fucking pages?" said Mario, who was so pissed off and frustrated. "I don't know, but I have this special device that can be used to track down the pages because it uses special magnetic technology, which was invented by the Romans in 1924!" Science was usually boring and a big waste of time, but this time it was cool because it could help Mario get home. "Wow! Thanks Peach! I would have sex with you if you has a 3D vagina!" Mario took the device and set out on his quest.

Mario kept walking and walking and walking, walking out of the city until he was far away, because that was where the device was taking him. "Where could the pages be? I am really far away now," said Mario to himself because no one came with him, or so he thought. "Hello!" said the device, "I am alive, and I am taking you to Bowser's far away condo in Beach City!" The device has cartoon eyes and a squeaky voice. "Bowser? He has the pages? But I thought he was a good guy after we rescued him from jail and became friends!" said Mario as he was so confused how he could do this.

"This paper world is exactly like your world in every way, except for the fact that Bowser is a good guy because he is actually a bad guy in this world of Paper. That is because 3D Peach spilled grape juice on his page of the book so he is still pissed about it," said Devicey, which is the device's name. "Wow, what a clumsy, irresponsible bitch. Imagine being a dumb bitch dumb enough to disrespect a work of literature." Then, they were getting close to Bowser's beach condo. Devicey started beeping really loudly. "All the pages are in his condo! It's time to go in right now!"

Mario ran towards the condo and jump kicked the window, and it sent shards of glass everywhere and it stabbed through all of Bowser's little cousins and ripped them in half. So many paper children were laid there on the floor, dead. "Mario," said Bowser,"What the fuck do you think you're doing, breaking into my beautiful beach condo! You're being a dick!" Bowser said, but Mario didn't care. "Shut up! I know you have all the pages to Peach's special magic book! I will kick you're ass if yuou don't give it to me right now!"

But Bowser just laughed at that because he was so not scared by Mario's threats. "Sure, you can have it, Mario, after I finish wiping my ass with all the pages after my Big Poops!" Bowser always had the nastiest poops ever because he was a dragon turtle made of fire, so he had spicy breath and stinky, melty poops, the kind of poop that burns your butthole and looks like chocolate barf. Those kinds of poops always smell the worst and can tear apart a family of 5. If Bowser wiped off the poop on the pages, he would never get to go back home.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! DO NOT WIPE YOUR ASS WITH THOSE PAGES!" said Mario. He ran at Bowser and tackled him like the football player he once was. He got on Bowser's shoulders and wrapped his legs around his neck so he could choke him and pull on his hair, and Bowser couldn't breathe and he did his best to get Mario off of him. He ran backwards into the wall so Mario would get hurt and fall off. Then, when Mario fell on the floor, Mario kicked Bowser in the balls and put a cork in his butthole so he couldn't poop.

Mario ran up to the bathroom and put all the toilet paper and bars of soap in the toilet so it was clogged and couldn't be used. He began looking for all the pages he wanted to use as toilet paper, and he found them in a secret compartment under the floor. He counted them, and it was all of the pages he needed. Then, when he ran back down, Bowser was there waiting for him. "Give me back those pages! I need to poop really bad!"

"Too bad, Bowser! I clogged your toilet so you can't POOP!" Mario and Devicey laughed, and Bowser went "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And he started getting really big like Rosalina before she died.

Devicey said, "Oh no! He's gonna blow!" and she made a giant force field around them to protect them. She had so many uses that Mario wondered if she could be used to make sex cooler than it already was. Then, right when she made the force field, Bowser exploded, and his poop went everywhere. It looked like someone had repainted the house with his poop, and no part of the house was left unpooped. Mario and Devicey didn't want to be in the poop so they rolled out of the house in their force field and waited until they were far away to get away from the poop and the smell.

They got out of the force field and smelled the fresh, unpooped air. "Wow, we did it Mario! We found the missing pages and defeated Bowser! Now you can go back home!" said Devicey, and Mario felt so accomplished that he had done this. They went all the way back to Peach's castle and showed her the pages. "Wow, you did it Mario! You found the missing pages and defeated Bowser! Now you can go back home!" said Peach, and Mario was so excited to finally go back to his real world in 3D quality. Peach put the pages in the book, and they magically fused with the book and healed as if they had never been ripped out of it.

Then, the book started to glow and shimmer, and it exploded into a giant black hole. Mario stepped towards the portal and looked back at Peach and Devicey. "Thank you for all your help. I am now going back home. Have fun being made of paper and not having bones or semen," said Mario, and Devicey started crying. "Mario! I will miss you! I'll never forget the grand adventure we went on together!" Mario felt emotional too, but he wanted to go home, even if it meant leaving behind the friends he made in this world. Mario jumped through the portal and went back home.

He was swooshed back to his world, and he teleported outside the book and was now back in Peach, his Peach and not the paper one, room. He felt himself all over, but not in a masturbatory way. He felt his squishy flesh, and then touched all over to see if he had all of his stuff back, and he did. His balls were full of semen, and his body was full of meat and blood and all the other tasty stuff. "I'm back! Wow, it feels so good to not be made of paper!" Then, Peach came out of the bathroom and was all dolled up and hot as always.

"Hey Mario, what's with all the hubbub, bub?" she said, and Mario was so emotional to see her again. He ran up to her and hugged her so hard, and since he was shorter than her he was able to squish her face in her big boobies. "Peach! I missed you! So much! I missed you and your sexy 3D body!" cried Mario, and Peach was like, "Mario, what are you talking about? I was just in the bathroom and I just saw you a few minutes ago. You are probably tired from having lots of sex and not eating. Let's go downstairs and eat some food."

Peach went out the door and started walking with Mario, but then Mario stopped and looked back at her room. He saw the book, and it was on the ground. He went over to it and put it back on the shelf where it was safe and sound. Then he went back downstairs with Peach and his other family and ate so much food that he pooped for 4 hours.


	3. Deserving of Love

**(AN: 3 guests on FF . net wanted a story on Mario and Pauline dating even tho they never dated in the Mario High School canon, but that's still okay because this is an AU story. So, in this chapter, Donkey Kong and Peach were aborted before they could be born and thus never existed so Mario and Pauline could date.)**

Mario was sitting at the lunch table with his friends in the cafeteria, the room at High School in which scrumptious food was served for students to enjoy without charge. He sat with Luigi, his brother, and Peasley, his boyfriend, along with their other friends: Wario with Captain Syrup, his girlfriend, and Waluigi was with his girlfriend Rosalina. They were all sitting at the table together because they were friends and they were all eating lunch together like friends would do together. The food for today was macaroni and cheese and orange juice because they were both the same color.

"It sure is nice to have a girlfriend, unless you are a gay like Luigi who likes boys," said Wario, who liked to touch Captain Syrup's vagina under the table like no one noticed except everyone did notice. "No afence, Luigi and Peasley," he said to Luigi and Peasley, but Luigi and Peasley didn't mind because they knew they were gay. "Yeah, having a girlfriend(or boyfriend in Luigi and Peasley's case because they are gay) is so cool, because then you have someone you can rely on that also gives you cool sex," said Waluigi, and Rosalina put her hands on his arm so she could feel his muscles.

As Wario and Waluigi were talking, Luigi and Peasley looked at them with stern faces and said "SSSHHHHH!" really loud at them to shut them up, and then they all looked at Mario. He was now playing with his food, macaroni and cheese and orange juice, and looking sad and lonely. Unlike everyone else at the table, he didn't have a girlfriend(or boyfriend in Luigi and Peasley's case because they are gay). He had recently broken up with Mona, his last girlfriend, because of large complications in their relationship. It was especially depressing to him because it was almost their anniversary and they had been dating since the beginning of Middle School.

"Oh man," said Wario, who was ashamed and embarrassed and felt like a fat ass hole, "I totally forgot you just broke up with your girl friend, Mona. Sorry dude," said Wario to Mario. "Yeah, sorry Mario," said Waluigi to Mario, "But hey, you'll find a new girlfriend! You're the most popular guy in school! You could get any girl you wanted!" Waluigi was right, and everyone else agreed. "Yeah! It's time to move on so you can get a new girlfriend and be happy again!" said Peasley, "Get back out there so you can forget about Mona and get on with your life instead of being sad!"

"Yeah, plus if you dont find a girlfriend in the next week, you won't have a girl friend for the dance on Saturday night and you'll be a loser and have to sit at the fag table," said Luigi, and he was right. It was now Monday, and he had until Friday to find a committed girl friend or he'd be a single loser. "Yeah, you're right guys. I've been sad about Mona for long enough. It's time to move on and start dating again!" Mario was now inspired by his friends, and he had the energy to continue living. "That's great!" said Rosalina to Mario, happy for him, "Who are you thinking about asking to be your girlfriend?"

Mario and everyone else decided to scan the room looking for single ladies that were hot enough to fit Mario's standards. At one table, they saw Birdo, and they all said "Ew, no way!" because her face looks like anal prolapse. At another table, they saw Vivian. She was a lot hotter than Birdo, but she didn't have boobs or eye balls so that was a no from Mario. Then there was Wendy Koopa, Bowser's little cousin, who was a freshman, but she was really young and was a turtle. It seemed that all the girls in school were either taken or too ugly to ever be acceptable by anyone, until Mario saw a girl walk into the cafeteria.

She had long brown hair, long eyelashes, lots of make up, and a pair of big gigantic boobs and a pair of succulent ass cheeks wrapped up in a skin tight red dress that showed her boobs and the crease in her ass, and even her vagina if you were low enough when she took a big long step in her high heeled shoes. Everyone was enamored by her as she walked into the room, and everyone stopped talking so they could stare at her. Captain Syrup and Rosalina crossed their arms and looked disgusted. "Ugh, who is this girl? She looks like such a slut!" said Syrup.

Even though all the girls (and gays) in the cafeteria weren't impressed, Mario certainly was. He had never seen this girl before, which made him think she was new. But he could already tell that she was definitely the hottest girl in all of High School history, and he wanted her so badly. Mario watched her closely as she want to a single empty table in the back of the cafeteria. She looked pissed off, so Mario knew this was his time to shine. He would just go over and cheer her up and convince her to date him. After all, who in the right mind would deny his offer of sex?

"I'm gonna go talk to her," said Mario as he left his table to be with the new girl. He made sure to look extra hot and cool and popular as he walked over to her so he could impress her more. As he was walking to her table, he scooped up a bunch of macaroni and cheese from Toad's tray and put it in the front of his pants so it would make his penis and balls look bigger. "Hey!" Toad shouted at Mario angrily, "That was my macaroni and cheese! DO NOT put it with your penis and balls!" But it was too late and Mario did not care.

She looked so bored eating her lunch, until Mario slid into the seat next to her and looked so seductive and manly. "Hey beautiful Never see you here ever before. You know, there's a school dance on Saturday, which is this weekend after Friday which is the last day of this school week. Since you are obviously the most conventionally attractive girl in this High School, and I am the Most Popular, it's only natural that we go together." Mario looked at the new girl with sexy eyes that were filled with sex dreams, but she didn't look like giving her vagina to Mario.

She just looked as bored as before, but more annoyed too, like a mixed up bored and annoyed salad. "What's wrong? How are your nipples not hard for me yet?" Mario said to the new girl, confused, because he looked at her boobs and they didn't get bigger and pointy. She just glared at him and said this, "What do you think you're doing?" she asked, sounding pissed off to Mario. "Um," said Mario, "Im seducing you. Your supposed to say Yes so we can start dating. The dance is only days away!" Mario rolled his eyes because women can be so stupid and clueless.

"You think you can just walk up to me and want sex of me out of nowhere? You don't even know my name or anything about me, and I don't know your name or anything about you either! So you don't care about me, you only care about my body! All you did was look at me and decide that you were gonna be my boyfriend without caring about my feelings because you are so stuck up about you being cool and popular to everyone in the High School! Even if we did know each other, I would never date you because you are just like all the other men that have tried to date me! You are all jerks who only want me for my sexy body. None of you deserve me! I thought that I would find a Good Boy after moving here, but it turns out that I was wrong and all men are the same!"

She was so angry to Mario, which Mario did not understand because all he did was ask her a question. Maybe she was just bleeding from her vagina like his Mama used to do. Then, the bell rang, and she shot up from her lunch seat and walked away from Mario, and Mario got to watch her big butt cheeks move side to side and look sexy. But what the new girl said was still in Mario's head, like voices that echoed across a canyon. He was so confused, because any other girl would be thrilled to date someone cool and popular and good looking like Mario. If he wanted to tame this wild sex stallion and ride her after the dance on Saturday, he needed some help.

After Lunch and during his next class, while they were doing shitty boring school work, Mario leaned over to Waluigi's seat, which was next to his seat in class. He had to whisper to Waluigi or the teacher would get mega pissed off. "Psst! Waluigi! It is I, Mario, asking you a question during class!" whispered Mario to Waluigi during class. "what do you want Mario? I am taking notes for the next test, wahhh! You will get me in trouble" Mario did not stop. "I will be in bigger trouble if you do not help me! I need help as soon as possible, and friends are supposed to help their friends!"

Waluigi waited a second and then gave in and sighed. "Okay, Mario, I give in. What do you need?" and Mario said to zWaluigi, "It's about the new girl in high school. She said she won't date me because I don't know anything about her, and now she won't talk to me. Is there anything you can tell me to help me out? I need to take her to the dance and make her my sex girlfriend!"

Waluigi thunked about it for a few seconds, looking like the thinking emoji. "Since she hates you now, you should be like a detective and find out things about her. I'm sure she's talked to other people around the school." Mario thought this was so smart. If he were gay, he'd kiss Waluigi for being so smart. But then, the teacher, Mr. Toadstool, was in front of Waluigi's desk and looking really pissed off.

"WALUIGI! HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TALK DURING CLASS! THAT'S IT, I AM CALLING YOUR PARENTS AND YOU ARE SO GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED GROUNDED!" yelled out Mr. Toadstool in a disciplinary voice.

Waluigi glared at Mario as security officers dragged him away. "You are a fat bitch Mario" Waluigi would hate Mario for a while because of this, but Mario would cross that bridge later. Now he needed to find out a way to earn the new girl's love. At the end of the day, when all the classes were over with, and everyone was outside at the front waiting to go home, Mario would go up to the girls of the school and see if any of them had talked to the girl and befreinded her. He went up to Goombella, whom he always thought kind of looked like poop.

"Hey Goombella," Mario asked to Goombella this, "Have you seen that new girl? The really hot one with the boobs? I was wondering if you had made friends with her yet and knew anything about her." Goombella then started to look sad. "I wish I could be her friend! But she looks way too pretty and popular to be my friend." Mario thought that was pretty accurate because Goombella was ugly and unpopular. He knew he had to start asking the pretty and popular girls who were more likely to be worthy of being friends with the girl. The first girls that came to mind were Daisy, Mona, Rosalina, and Captain Syrup were the first to come to mind. But he knew he could not ask Mona because he and her just broke up, and talking to Daisy would be awkward because she recently started dating Mona after her and Mario broke up.

So his best guesses would be Syrup and Rosalina, so he looked around for them. He saw Rosalina, Waluigi, Wario, and Syrup all went up to them and tried talking to Rosalina first, but Waluigi glared at him because he was still pissed for getting him in trouble. "Wahhh, what do you want Mario? I don't want to talk to you! " And Mario said "Waluigi, I am sorry for getting your ass kicked by your mom, but I need to talk to your girlfriend okay? " But Waluigi said "No! Get the fuck away from me and my girlfriend! I will be mad at you for this for an undetermined amount of time!" Then Waluigi went away and dragged Rosalina with him.

So now Mario's only hope was Captain Syrup. "Wario, are you going to be mad about me for getting Waluigi in trouble too?" Mario said to Wario. "Of course not! Waluigi is a big baby. You may talk to my girlfriend." Mario was so relieved, and he turned to Syrup to talk to her face. "Syrup! I need to know if you know anything about the new girl from lunch! Please tell me anything you know about her!" Mario was pretty much begging with his knees on the ground and a pathetic gay look on his face because he was desperate for puntang.

"I don't know much, but I have a class with her. The teacher said her name was Pauline, but I don't think she has any friends here. She looked so unhappy all class long." said Syrup to Mario. Mario instantly got a big weiner from her name. Pauline sounded so hot even though it had a guy's name in it. "Pauline huh...Syrup, would you do me a favor and try to be friends with her?"

"Mario, you only want me to be friends with her because you want her vagina." Syrup said with a "rlly?" look on her face. But Mario said this: "Syrup, I just want to find out more about her, and she won't talk to me! I want you to be friends with her because I want a chance to be with her! Plus, you said she was unhappy and friendless, so if you were her friend she would be happier! Please, I'll do anything if you could just do this one thing!" Mario was frantically asking her to do this, because he was so lonely and in love with Pauline.

Syrup looked like she was gonna be a bitch like everyone else and say no, but then she sighed and said "Fine. I will do it, but you owe me!" Then Syrup went off with Wario to go have a date or do sex or something. Mario was so happy and hoped his plan would work out because he wanted to date and do sex with Pauline so bad, like what Syrup and Wario are doing right now. He went home with Luigi and when they got home Mario asked Luigi if he wanted to play video games with him, but Luigi said no because he had to suck poop out of his butthole for sex with Peasley.

That night, Mario was thinking about how hot Pauline looked at school, and he got a big penis from just thinking about it. Her boobs were really big and cool, and her butt was also really big and cool, and her hair was really long and pretty, unlike Mona's who had a gross lesbian haircut. Mario started swinging his big penis around to masterbait in order to sexually satisfy himself and his needs and desires. He imaged that Pauline was sucking on it and doing all sorts of cool things to his penis to satisfy him, and that made his semen go everywhere on the walls and floor and bed and dresser and himself and it covered the whole room in white so it looked like Mario was in an insane asylum.

The next day at school, it was lunch, and Mario was excited to talk to Syrup to see what she knew about Pauline. "Syrup! I need to know what you know about the new girl, Pauline! Tell me posthaste!" Mario demanded, and Syrup replied, "Well Mario, I thought she was a whore slut, but she is actually very nice! We are friends now, and me and the est of the girls are gonna take her out Friday, the day before the school dance, to do girly friend stuff! And Mario, she also told me what you said to her in the cafeteria yesterday during school lunch! You are a sexist pig!"

"What? Syrup, just tell me things about her so she can have sex with me already," said Mario, who was getting less and less horny by listening to Syrup nag at him all the time. "No! You need to learn how to Respect Women! No wonder Mona dumped you!" Mario was so angry, but also hurt because she was making fun of his break up with Mona and blaming it on him. "How am I not Respectful to Women? Offering sex is very kind and generous of me!" Syrup was disgusted, and so were the rest of the girls at the lunch table, and they all left to sit with Pauline away from the boys.

"Wahhh!" Waluigi said pissedfully, "God dammit Mario, you pissed off all of our girlfriends and Daisy and Mona because you're an asshole! First you get me grounded and then you do this! Wahhh!" Wario said, "Yeah, you need to learn how to Respect Women, Mario. That is why you are the only one without a girlfriend, besides Luigi and Peasley because they are gay together." Mario was so offended. "I'm not sexist! I dated Mona before, remember? Pauline just won't date me because she's a bitch." Luigi and Peasley shook their heads. "Mario," said Luigi, "You can't just ask girs of sex out of nowhere. That is Objectifying and not Respectful to Women."

"Yeah, you have to be friends with a girl and then date her before sexing her." said Peasley. "What do you know about girls., you two are gay for boys and boy penises" said Mario because he was getting annoyed. "Wahh, because Luigi and Peasleyare gay, which are as girly as you can get without being girls, so they know how to do gay shit like Respect Women." said Wario. He was good at being smart occasionally along with being the fattest kid in school. "Also," said Waluigi," about what you said before about dating Mona. She says that she dumped your chubby ass because you were sexist and did not Respect Women and didn't care about her interests and only wanted sex from her."

Mario looked down at his tray of food, which was steak, beans, and chocolate milk, all brown foods. Maybe everyone was right about him not Respecting Women, and maybe he was too demanding with sex. "you guys might be right...Wario, Waluigi, and Luigi and Peasley even if you two are gay, do you think you could teach me to be...Respectful to Women?" Mario pleaded with his friends. Wario, Waluigi, Luigi, and Peasley all looked at each other, in a thinking all together at the ame time way, and then they nodded at the same time too.

Wario said, "Okay, Mario, because you are our friend, and we want you to stop pissing off women, we will teach you how to be a gantleman to women and to Respect them so you can have sex with them the right way." Mario was so happy, and he smiled. "Thank you! You guys are my true best friends ever! I promise I will do my best!" Waluigi said this, "I am still pissed at you, but maybe teaching you how to Respect WOmen will make it so you stop acting like an asshole and getting me in trouble over women hating you."

"We can all go to my house after school," said Peasley, "I am probably the most romantic one here, so I can teach you how to tell girls sweet pick up lines, and how to be sweet and caring and sensitive." And Luigi said, "I can bring my seijin yaoi romance mangas and animes for you to watch/read so you can see examples of respectful relationships." Wario said, "I can teach you many good and helpful sex tips that can help you greatly please your Woman along with yourself." Waluigi said last, "I can teach you how to dress nicely and have a cool style to help impress women." Waluigi was the smoothest and most stylish out of the group that wasnt gay or a girl.

"Wow, you guys can all use your individual talents to help me! You are all coming together and bringing your knowledge forth to help me! Thank you!" Mario thanked his friends and they kept having school that day. After school, they all went over to Peasley's house, and it was like Mario High School 2.0: The Sequel because Mario was there to learn even more stuff, but this time it wasn't gay or boring because it was about having sex with Pauline. Peasley, Luigi, Wario, and Waluigi went to different rooms to set up their classrooms for Mario.

Waluigi was first, and he was in Peasley's upstairs attic. He was first because he was going to show Mario how to present himself, which is the first step because your appearance is the first thing women notice about you. "Okay Mario, I'm going to teach you about presenting yourself. If you wanna take Pauline to the dance and show her you care, you need to dress nice and put effort into your appearance so she will know you care." Mario seemed confused. "But I'm already hot, all the ugly girls in school would love to date me."

Waluigi said, "You wear gym shorts and your football jersey every day, and you don't do your hair at all. Pauline is a classy lady and probably spends 2875723091924875 hours on her look a day and you look like you get out of bed and slap clothes on and then leave the house, shut the fuck up and listen to my advice if you wanna fuck this girl so badly okay i didn't even have to come here like I could be home jerking off to American Horror Story but instead I'm running my mouth off to the guy who got me grounded in history class."

Waluigi brought over all of his tailoring supplies (bcos he can do this) and he got Mario to stand up and t pose so he could measure him. Mario was shorter and fatter than Waluigi so he couldn't just wear any of hi clothes, so Waluigi is just gonna make him a whole new outfit so he can look presentable for Pauline. He was making him a fancy looking tux, with pinstripes and a cute red bow tie and all that, and he also made some nice dress shoes to go with it because Waluigi is cool. He finished it after a while, and Mario was looking a lot more handsome.

Waluigi also brought over a comb and some hair gel so Mario can make his hair look nice. He put gel in his hair and combed it back, and Mario's hair was looking nicely done for once. He looked like a lawyer or the President. But Mario was not comfortable. He wanted to get back in his comfortable clothes, but he was desperate to get Pauline to like him before his penis dried up and died from a lack of vaginal water keeping his penis moisturized. "OK Mario, now you do not look like shit. You also have to not smell like shit." Waluigi pulled out some cologne and sprayed Mario with it.

Mario started to cough and choke because he thought it was so nasty and strong with ass smell. "Why did you do that? Is all this really necessary?" Waluigi groaned, "Mario, if you want Pauline to like you, you have to impress her visually and smellually! She isn't an easily impressed bitch like Mona who would date any ugly fat jock like you, Pauline is a feminist type, and they have standards." Mario sighed, if this is what it would take to have sex with someone as hot as Pauline, he would have to live with it. But now, Mario had style, and was one step closer to winning Pauline's heart and sexy vagina.

Next was Peasley, who was in his bedroom. He was going to teach Mario how to use words and actions to impress women. "Wow Mario, you look and smell great!" said Peasley. He was Luigi's boyfriend, but he couldn't deny that Mario was kind of hot to him for the first time ever, but he would never cheat on Luigi with Mario even thought his penis got a teensy bit microscopically bigger if you looked at it hard enough. "Now that you will look good to a woman, which is Pauline, it is time for you to learn how to do sweet talk, pick-up lines, and other gestures sweet to the opposite, or same in my case because I am gay, sex."

Mario already knew he was an expert at this, so he would pass easily. "Okay Mario, I am going to pretend to be a women, and I want you to try and approach me and use your best pick up line?" Mario thought it was easy to pretend that Peasley was a woman because he liked penises as a woman would do, and he dressed and had hair like one. Mario sucked in his butt cheeks and puffed up his chest and strutted over to Peasley, looking his best sexy face as he could make. "Hey sexy, your boobs are looking very pretend huge today. Would you like to do sex in my room so we can measure them with my foot long penis?"

Peasley looked really offended and slapped Mario. "How rude! You have just Sexualised and Objectified me in an inappropriate mannor, and you will be arrested for Sexual Assault!" Mario rubbed his cheeks where he was slapped and got pissed. "What the fuck Peasley?" And Peasley just laughed. "I was pretending to be an angry woman, Mario! I had to be accurate because I am a Theatre Kid." said Peasley to Mario. "Also, this is what really will happen in real life if you say that to a woman. That was very Disrespectful to Women, talking about doing horrible sex acts upon them without knowing them."

"Mario, I want you to pretend to be a woman right now, and I will be you." said Peasley to Mario, who said back to Peasley, "Me? Be the women? You're nuts!" And Peasley rolled his eyes. "Mario, it's just pretending. I am going to show you how to properly approach a woman in a Respectful Mannor." Mario was pissed about having to be the girl because he was a man and not gay like Peasley and Luigi, but he agreed anyways because he just wanted to get this over with and date/sex Pauline. And Peasley was half way there to being a woman himself so he guessed he would know what women liked.

Peasley walked up to Mario. "Okay, it is time to Improv. You're Pauline at the school cafeteria for lunch, and I'm you." Peasley comes over to Mario. In this scene, Pauline(Mario) is wearing her red dress and eating an apple, medium rare steak, and wine, all red foods. Mario(Peasley) walks over to the table where she is sitting and says. "Wow, Pauline, I did not know you were part of the menu today." Then, everything went back to normal, and Peasley and Mario were themselves again. "You see Mario? In that scenario, she would have laughed and invited you to sit with her, which would lead into a long conversation and possibly end with you two dating at the school dance. But instead, when you met her the other day, you made sexual comments, which pissed her off."

But Mario was not buying it. "That's stupid. That would never work. Everyone likes sex, why wouldn't that work with her?" Peasley sighed and was getting frustrated. Why is Mario so stubborn to change? Then, Peasley got another idea. "Okay Mario, in order for you to understand why it is wrong, you need to view it from a womans perspective. That is why I am going to try something with you." Peasley decided that there was only one way to get through to him. He started to take off his shoes, socks, and pants, and he was wearing girl panties, and he tied up his shirt into a crop top to look sexy.

Mario watched him as he did this, and he was so confused why he was getting half naked in front of him. Then, Peasley started to walk all sexily to Mario and looked at him like he wanted sex from him, and was licking his lips and everything. "Well hello there, Mr. sexy," said Peasley to Mario, "How did you squeeze your big penis into those tux pants? It looks so compact in there, why don't I take it out for you so it can run around and play inside of my butt hole?" Peasley put his hand on Mario's penis and started rubbing and squeezing it a lil bit.

Mario was so creeped out by Peasley's behavior, and he felt degraded and oppressed. He pushed Peasley off of his penis and started punching the shit out of him until his face was a big bloody puddle of blood and organs. "Get off of me! You're an asshole! what gives you the right to say those things?" And at that moment, Mario understood everything. He felt offended, and objectified, and all that other shit Peasley said. He felt so bad that he had said that stuff to Pauline to make her feel the way he felt. He never meant to be mean, but now he knew.

"Peasley! I get it now! I was being a sexist pig and not Respectful to Women! I understand how she feels now, and now I can treat her the right way! Thank you so much, and I will use what you've taught me to respect Pauline, along with every other woman, and use this knowledge to work towards a long and meaningful relationship with Pauline!" Mario, who was now excited and full of Respecting Women, left Peasley's room to further his education on being a good boy friend to Pauline and overall being less of an asshole.

Next was Luigis lesson, but Mario skipped him because he walked in on him while he was masterbaiting to one of the animes so he didn't wanna look at him for the rest of the week. SO, Mario went straight to the bathroom for Wario's lesson on sex tips. "Okay Mario, now that you know how to look good for women and how to talk to them right, it is time for your last lesson." said Wario. He smiled and looked at Mario, his best friend of many years. "Once you and Pauline start dating, that will be the time for you to show her your sex skills."

"I'm already good at sex, Wario," said Mario to Wario, his teacher for the evening, "I dont want to shit on your sex abilities, because I'm sure you're very good at giving sex to Captain Syrup, your girlfriend, but what could you teach me that I don't already know how to do with women's vaginas and boobs?" Wario laughed at this. "Mario, Mona gossiped to all the other girls, who are Daisy, Syrup, and Rosalina, and Syrup told me that, while you are not bad at sex, it gets boring very fast. I do not have that issue because I am the master of Sex, and, because you are my friend, I am willing to pass down my sex knowledge down to you."

"Wow, thanks! But how will you do this?" asked Mario. "I don't see any girls for you to have sex with in here." Wario knew this, but he smiled evily. "That is because I don't need one. Remember how you learned from Peasley by taking the role of the woman and learning from the woman's side? This is the perfect way to learn how to sex up women because, like in Peasley's lesson, you will learn what they like by experiencing it yourself." Wario chuckled and took off his pants, and his enormous penis plopped out and broke through the bathroom tiles as it hit the floor.

Mario was so surprised to see Wario's penis. It was probably the biggest penis he'd ever seen or heard about. It was very long, and super fat, like how Wario was the fattest person in all of highschool, his penis was probably the fattest in all of mankind's known penises. "Wait," Mario said, sounding nervous, "We are going to have sex? With each other? But wouldn't that be gay? And would you not be cheating on your girl friend, Captain Syrup?" But Wario shook his head. "It is not cheating or gay, because we are just doing this as a lesson to teach you how to have better sex with Pauline."

Mario looked down at Wario's fat sweaty penis, and then back at him. "Okay, Wario, I trust you. If this is what I have to do to learn better sex tips and keep my future relationship with Pauline fresh and exciting, then I will do it. I will have non-gay, non-cheating educational sex with you and your huge penis." Wario nodded and shook Mario's hand. "You are doing a very brave thing here, Mario. You have been a good student to everyone here today, and this will all pay off in the end. Thank you for trusting me to help you."

Mario took off the fancy suit Waluigi made him because he didn't want semen and other stuff to get on it. Wario also took off the rest of his clothes, and they were both as naked as each other with their penises out and ready. Mario's penis was decent, but it looked like a pinkie toe compared to Wario's bloated monster cock. Mario also noticed that Wario was even fatter than he looked with clothes on when he was naked, and he had really big boobies. They were kind of hot to Mario, in a way that was kind of gay but not really to Mario.

"Mario," Wario said to Mario, "I want you to lay down and spread your legs out so I can see your butt hole. Just pretend that your butthole is a vagina and that you are Pauline and I am you." Mario knew that would be hard because Wario was 10x fatter than Mario would ever be and also kind of ugly so it was hard to imagine himself being portrayed by Wario, but he did his best. Luckily he was blessed with a great mind. Pauline(Mario) spread her legs and revealed her vagina(butthole) to Mario(Wario). Mario(Wario) put his huge penis inside of Pauline(Mario)'s vagina(butthole).

"W-Wario," said Mario as Wario had sex with his buttgina, "Wow, you are so good at sex! I never would have guessed it!" Wario had really big and powerful sex to Mario. He knew all sorts of tricks that Mario had no idea about. For instance, Wario would do cartwheels while his penis was still in Mario's butt, which rotated Wario's penis inside of him. "Wow, I never would have thought to do something like that!" Mario learned many sex tips, because they did stuff like this together for several hours until it was time to go back home.

Wario and Mario were covered in so much semen and sweat, and they were breathing super hard like they had just run a sex marathon, which was true. Mario put on his normal clothes instead of the nice suit Waluigi made, and Wario also got dressed, and they all met in the living room. "Mario," said Peasley, "You have made such amazing progress! You have learned how to look Presentable in front of Women, how to Respect Women with Manners and Kind Words, and how to Pleasure a Woman in new and exciting ways that will keep your future relationships fun and exciting! I have no doubt that you will win Pauline's heart after all you have learned today."

"I couldn't have dont this without you guys, too, minus Luigi," said Mario to Peasley, Wario, and Waluigi, minus Luigi, "You guys put so much effort into teaching me all you know, and I want to thank you in the biggest way I can. You are truly great friends!" said Mario, greatfully, to his friends, minus Luigi. Peasley waved to Mario, Wario, Walugii, and Luigi, his boyfriend, even if he masterbated to asian books. They all went to their respective homes, Wario and Waluigi to one and Mario and Luigi to another, their house.

Mario laid in bed in his room and stared at the ceiling thinking about tomorrow. That would be the day he would try and make Pauline his girlfriend. It would be Wednesday, halfway through the week, and the dance was Saturday, and he had to make her his date by Friday or he would no longer be the most popular and would legally have to get wedgies by everyone. He knew he was better, but he was nervous that Pauline would still reject him and not forgive him for what he said before by not Respecting Women.

All he could do now was just go to sleep and then hope that his work pays off tomorrow during lunch.

When morning came, Mario woke up and instantly got super nervous and felt weird, like he was going to poop or throw up. He started getting ready, and actually put effort into his appearance like how Waluigi showed him before. He showered, and then he dried himself off and put on his suit and made it look nice and straightened and buttoned up. He put gel in his hair and fixed it up like how Waluigi said to do it, and he even put on the cologne that smelled like hippo ass. He looked very different than normal, but Mario hoped that would be a good thing to Pauline.

He and Luigi got onto his motorcycle, and he drove them to school. Since Mario took so long to get ready, they barely made it in time for school, and the bell rang 0.00000001 second before their butts hit their desk chairs, and their teacher got pissed at them and gave them detention. If that wasn't bad enough, all of his other football player classmates on his football team were laughing at him and his clothes. "Hey Mario, got a hot date? Except I know that's not true because Mona dumped you and Pauline rejected you! Ha ha!"

"Yeah, and your suit and hair is gay! What is up with that anyways?" The whole class and teacher laughed at that, and Mario felt so humiliated. He would be the laughing stalk of the football team now. He tried to remember that he was doing it for Pauline and he didn't care about what a bunch of fag ass douchebags thought about him, because if he could win Pauline's heart that would make him happy. The rest of the day went that way for Mario, with people gasping and not being able to breath because of Mario's anus perfume, and thinking he looked gay.

He was so relieved when he finally got to lunch, and he sat at the lunch table with Wario, Waluigi, Peasley, and Luigi. Mona, Daisy, Rosalina, and Syrup were over with Pauline at her table, because Rosalina and Syrup were pissed at Mario and his past Sexism, Mona hated Mario because he was a bad boyfriend, and Daisy wanted to be near Mona, her girl friend. "Guys, people won't stop making fun of me because of my clothes and how Pauline rejected me the other day. My confidence is at an all time low. I don't know if I can ask Pauline out anymore, I'm giving up!"

"Mario, you can't give up!" said Wario, "We all put so much effort into teaching you how to date women better by respecting them! You'll do fine." Wario was done talking, and Waluigi went next. "Yeah, and you better do it because if you give up that would mean we went thorugh all that hard work for nothing!" Luigi said this after Waluigi. "Mario, you're the coolest and most popular person in the whole school, and you're the best brother in the world! I believe in you and believe that you will do this and succeed!" but what does Luigi know about anything?

Mario looked behind him at the table where the girls were sitting and talking. Pauline looked so beautiful, and Mario really wanted to date her, but he was so doubtful that she would ever see him as worthy since he was such a cunt before. Then, Peasley took Mario's hand, in a non-gay and not cheating way to Luigi, and he said, "Mario, we will be right behind you and will support you either way it goes down. You have truly changed for the better this past week, and if Pauline can't see that you tried to be a better person for her, then surely another girl will. Do not worry!"

Peasley was pretty nice and smart for a big gay green faggot with girl hair. His words fully inspired him to not give up hope and to go through with the plan. Even if it didn't work, he would not let it get to him and make him kill himself like a gay coward. "You're right! I can't give up! I have to go talk to her, right now!" Mario stood up and looked so powerful and full of power. His friends and brother cheered him on as he walked away from the table to talk to Pauline.

At Pauline's table, they were talking about their vaginas(as girls do in high school) when Syrup looks over and sees Mario coming to the table. "Oh no, Mario's coming over. He probably wants to talk to Pauline." Everyone else saw too, and they all rolled their eyes except for Pauline. She was like, "Wow, Mario looks so different." But Mona said to her, "Pauline, don't be fooled. Remember how Mario talked to you last time, and how much of a bad boy friend he was to me? He disguised himself to fool you, don't fall for any of it even if his sex appeal has risen by 422 points!"

Mario got to the table, and he looked kind of sweaty and nervous. "Um, hi Pauline! And hi, everyone else, too." He saw Mona, and it got super awkward. She "hmph'd" and looked away, and Rosalina, Daisy, and Syrup looked bored, and Pauline looked confused but also curious. Pauline looked even prettier than he remembered from his memories. She was wearing her red dress and red make up, as usual, which also matched her red lunch. He was reminded of the joke Peasley told him to tell. "Wow, Pauline, no one told me were you a part of today's scheduled lunch?"

No one laughed, and that made Mario more nervous. "Mario, what are you doing here" Pauline said to Mario, "Do you want to make rude comments some more to me?" Mario was going to say something to her back, but he was interrupted by Mona. "She doesn't want to talk to you Mario, you sexist pig! Go Disrespect Women somewhere else, I won't let you treat Pauline like how you treated me!" Rosalina, Syrup, and Daisy all went like "Yeah!" and kept yelling at him. Mario looked at Mona and said this to defend himself:

"Mona, I know I wasn't the best boy friend to you becaise I did not Respect Women like how I should have previously. I know I didn't treat Pauline correctly when I asked her out the first time. But I came here because I wanted a second chance from her, and I wanted to show her how much I changed for her to accept me. My friends all taught me to do better, and I dressed up in these gay clothes because I thought it would impress her, even though it got me bullied all day. Everyone has been making fun of me, but I didn't care because I just wanted to make it up to Pauline."

"We don't wanna hear it, Mario! You are just lying to get into Pauline's pants, you are so predicable!" said Mona, "I dated you since Middle school and I know all of your tricks. You have not changed, and we will never let you near Pauline because she deserves better than some turd!" The girls kept yelling at Mario some more until he finally gave up and went back to his own lunch table. All the girls were laughing about how they slam dunked Mario, except for Pauline, who saw how said Mario got and got kinda sad too.

Wario, Waluigi, Peasley, and Luigi saw Mario, and they saw how sad he looked and they could tell that he failed. "So, I'm guessing it did not end well for you." said Waluigi, and Wario punched Waluigi so hard with his big fat arm that Waluigi disintegrated. Mario looked so defeated and drained of life, and everyone felt so bad for him. Even Waluigi, who was still mad at Mario for getting him grounded up the butt, couldn't bring himself to feel mad and him and felt sorry for him, especially after seeing all the work he did.

I'm sorry, Mario, but it's okay. We can help you find more girls to ask out for the dance," said Peasley to Mario, but Mario just said, "No thanks. I don't feel like going to the dance anymore anyways, and the girls have showed me that I don't deserve to love anyone because I'm a turd dick. This was a dumb idea, and it was dumb for me to think I could change." Mario stood up, but didn't look power full and confident like before. "I'm just gonna go home. Luigi, just have Peasley drive you home. You two will probably have sex in his car later anyways."

Mario left the table, and Wario, Waluigi, Peasley, and Luigi all watched as Mario walked off, looking so depressed like he was going to kill himself when he got home. Some guys from his football team laughed at him and threw food at him as he walked past their table. "Haha! Gay Mario can't get a girlfriend, who is Pauline!" The whole cafeteria was laughing so hard they immediately pooped out the food they had just eaten, and since it was so soon after they ate it it still looked like food when it came out.

Mario drove hom on his motorcycle, and when he got home he ran up to his room and cleaned himself off, and he washed all of the food and gel out of his hair and over his body. He got into his normal clothes and just laid in his bed and listened to sad music. He felt so dumb for thinking Pauline would ever like him, and he felt so humiliated after all the bullying he witnessed that day. He was surely the currently least popular student at high school, and, since he now did not have a date for the dance on Saturday, combined with the fact that he was now the laughing stalk of the whole school, people would be lining up to give him wedgies and punch him every day starting Monday next week.

Mario fell asleep, but many hours later, he woke up after he heard knocking at his door. His Papa was at work and Mama was out shopping for groceries, and Luigi and Peasley were having crowded car sex, so Mario wondered who it could be, unless it was another person from school wanting to make fun of him. He slowly got up, looking depressed and wanting to die, and went to answer the door. He opened it, and saw something that he never expected to see at his house ever in a million, million years. It was Pauline, the new girl at high school, standing at his door.

"Pauline?" said Mario to Pauline, surprised to see her at his front porch. "Why are you here? Are you here to tell me how horrible I am again..." but Pauline frowned at Mario and said to him, "No Mario, I'm not...I came to see if you were okay. After seeing how you were treated by my girl friends, and everyone else at school, I felt sorry for you. I wanted to make sure you didn't get so depressed you killed yourself." Mario was like "WOw, she cares?" but then he was like "Why would she care about me?" SO that's what Mario said.

"Why would you care if I killed myself? I thought you rejected me because I was a sexist pig who was Disrespectful to Women?" To answer, Pauline said, "Mario, it is true that you were horrible to me when we first met, but I saw how different you were during lunch, and after you left school early, your friends, Wario, Waluigi, Luigi, and Peasley all told me how you were sorry and changed just for me. And, to admit truthfully, I was touched. I'm willing to give you a second chance, so...If you'd like, I am willing to date you, and go to the dance with you on Saturday."

Mario could not believe what he was hearing. Pauline was willing to date him , and maybe be his girl friend! He was so excited because, on top of being able to date Pauline, people at school would like him again for being not a loser anymore. "Wow...Pauline, I'm so glad you finally find me worthy of love...thank you for giving me a second chance!" Mario and Pauline both hugged, and they were both excited to begin their relationship, and their penises and vaginas rubbed together as they hugged and forshadowed their future sex life.


End file.
